The sun goes up…
Hey Babe,
Sometimes I get so ticked at you for not being here. I know its not your fault and its not God’s fault, but when things need to be done around here that you always took care of…I get mad….then just sad. I woke up this morning and it was one of those mornings where I wake up feeling like you’re here. Well not here in the house but still alive somewhere else and I get this feeling like I’m going to see you soon. In theory its a wonderful feeling, right? But even as I feel it I know it’s not true…so it’s not a good feeling at all. In fact this morning I had automatic anxiety and started crying. What a way to start the day.
On top of that my hip has been killing me…so they gave me a pain killer that ended up making me dizzy and nauseous for a week…I thought I was getting the flu, but turns out that it was the meds. I had my hip “popped” back into place yesterday and a new med…so hopefully it will be back to normal soon. I keep thinking of the verse “my grace is sufficient for you” and how I feel anything but graceful. Idk.
So enough of the whining, huh? It’s going to be a year on Monday. Actually I think it will hit me more on Sunday, since you went on a Sunday. I still relive that day over and over. I try not to, but sometimes I give into it. I just can’t believe that this ever happened. Sometimes I can’t even believe that you were here at all. I was thinking of how you used to get up at 5:11 am and get ready and come back upstairs and wake me up. The sun goes up… The sun goes up… I am having a really hard time getting up in the morning. I have to be up at 5:30 tomorrow. We’ll see how that goes.
I miss you. Sorry for being a whiner tonight.
me
2 years ago